Doin’ It Right: Another Introduction

As I mentioned in my original post, I’m really wanting to do this  blog thing “right” this time. With that in mind, I’ve signed up for an online blogging course, which is proving to be awesome. Looks like for the next few months, though, more often than not, I’m going to be a “weekend warrior”; thankfully, there are no assignments given for the weekends.

I know it’s probably poor form to do it this way, but it’s my freakin’ blog, so I can do whatever I like. These are the questions I was asked to answer as part of my introduction. Perhaps later, if/when I have the energy, this info will be moved to my “about” section!

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?

Interesting question. I also keep a personal journal, and in a lot of ways, they’re the same. I know that a blog has an audience, but for the purpose of this one, I think it will more or less serve as a journal that “speaks back” from time to time. Also, if there’s a following (even if it’s only in the darkest recesses of my imagination), I’ll try harder to articulate and to post more regularly. I think. We’ll see how that goes.

  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?

That remains to be seen. My life is not very interesting, but it has changed a lot and will continue to change. Hopefully, I can connect with some others who are on journeys of their own, and we can inspire each other. At the moment, topics that spring to mind are my (hopefully) blossomming long-distance relationship, possible future study, my life now, pets, HoH/TiH relationships, DD, literature, book reviews, non-parenthood, weight loss, exercise, lifestyle changes, life as an expat, and just day-to-day drudgery. Exciting, right?

  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?

People with similar interests and experiences. People with disparate interests and experiences. Most of all, people with more experience in my areas of interest. Just overall connections with great people, I suppose.

  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

Hmmm… food for thought. I hadn’t really thought about the future in terms of this blog. Well, it would be great to come to some conclusions, making for a more interesting blog. Sometimes reading over old posts/entries helps to put things into perspective for making decisions about the future and life in general. It would be great if I could have a decent following, but given the nature of the blog, that’s not an expectation. If I could write as a primary source of income, that would be fantastic, but again, PIPE DREAM!

That’s all for now, I suppose. And it’s only a week late. Go me!

Waiting for a boy to call… Jason

I’ve always been prone to infatuation. I’m not talking about the kind that grows slowly over weeks and months, into a mature obsession. No, I’m talking about the childish, puppy-love-style crush that can overtake quickly, cruelly, and without warning.

Previously, it was a guy whom I will call Preston. Preston was older than me, an academic, and we shared a lot of the same interests. He was the first guy EVER with whom I had initiated contact (well, with semi-romantic intentions, anyway), and he responded favourably, at least in the beginning. He was much more experienced and knowledgeable about the whole spanking thing and had lived a few different versions of the lifestyle. He loved films, classical music, and the opera, just like I did. We had read many of the same books and really enjoyed discussing them. He seemed to be very traditional in terms of decorum, so I did my best to conduct myself as a lady, in spite of wanting to sext or skypeflirt my way into his loins, if not his heart. But it waned.

Like the stupid person that I sometimes am, I kept chasing, and his responses, while friendly, were ambivalent. Still, every time we Skyped, I felt a connection, and some flirting had even started taking place from his side, so I felt comfortable reciprocating. But the ambivalence prevailed; after making it clear that he had the time and money to come and see me, he was non-commital. What he didn’t know was that by this time, I’d lost hope; a woman almost 20 years younger, halfway across the globe was not what he was looking for. He “led me on” and I pretended to follow, whilst at the same time making a semi-fabulous profile on one of the ubiquitous dating sites we all know and hate. When he didn’t show up for Christmas, he apologised, presumably thinking I was disappointed. I confess that I was; in my heart of hearts I had hoped he’d surprise me with a visit, in spite of the fact that such a thing would have gone against his very nature. I wasn’t surprised and vowed not to ever invest emotionally again, at least before having met in person.

In the meantime, my online dating profile was attracting a LOT of attention. This surprised me, because I’m not particularly pretty, and I thought that the location would be a dealbreaker for sure, but I was getting a huge number of messages and had to filter my responses. One was from Jason. He contacted me in late December, during my week off from work. I looked at his profile and his questions, and I REALLY liked what I read. REALLY. Like, more than Preston.

Deep breath.

No expectations, no disappointment.

Living by my new mantra, in spite of my new mantra, in time, I found myself seeking him out, wanting to speak with him, being drawn to him, staying emotionally unattached. But not really. Feelings suck. They creep up on you when you least expect it, and you start feeling that horrible attachment that can only end in extreme disappointment, at least if history has taught you anything at all.

Jason and I have been speaking almost daily on Skype. Sometimes we do the phone version and sometimes video. There are often text-chats in between. I usually enjoy speaking with him, and I think he enjoys speaking with me, but he is busy. I’m just finishing a month off of work, so soon, I will be busy as well. He’s much more emotionally tuned-in to himself, and has even been known to utter the “L-word”, although he was upset at the time and I don’t think he meant it. I have warned him that my heart is not a playground and he has responded in a way that makes me think he’d be more distraught if I stopped speaking to him than the other way around. He says he really really wants to connect with me. In fact, we’re in the process of making a plan to meet next time I have a chunk of time off, in summer. So WTF is the problem, Guavacita?

The problem is, I want more. Lately, talk is mostly about him. I want to talk about him, but about things that make him tick, things that make him laugh and smile, things that make him cum. I want to talk about me. Same ideas. When we discuss those things, I feel happy, fulfilled. But we seldom do. We talk about people he knows and parts of their lives. We talk about current events and history, which is fine, but the phone calls seem to be getting shorter and with me going back to work next week, I don’t see any serious improvements on the horizon. I’d really like more of a chance to get a sense of who this man IS before spending a week or two of my life with him. He told me he’d call (his) last night before bed. He did, after having dozed off, and we spoke for all of 3 minutes. I had really been looking forward to speaking with him, and he just suddenly cut me off, stating that he wanted to go to sleep. Now, I understand. I really do. But I’m disappointed and feel uncared-for and unlovable right now. And though I’m fighting the urge to “chase”, I feel myself giving in.

And in case it wasn’t obvious, I’m PMSing, so I’m not sure how much of this is just me having crazy-woman needy-hormones that turn me into an ornery princess (I’m only needy for one out of every four weeks, but I usually more than make up for the other three during that time…) and how much of it is legit. Trouble is, it all feels sane at the time. Thoughts? Anyone?

7 Things About Sex Women In Their 30s Need To Start Talking About

Exactly! Bingo, bingo, bingo!

Thought Catalog

Lately, I’ve found myself pouring glasses of wine, and sitting with my girlfriends to talk about things which everyone seems to experience – but no one ever really talks about. That’s the thing about your 30s. Suddenly your list of experiences has doubled and you’re not sure you’re any smarter.
So the other night, somewhere in between the flood of tears, exasperated sighs, and sad smiles, I decided it’s time to talk about those things.
That’s why I’ve compiled a list of those things of which we’ve said. Please help me spread the word.

1. Good girls have dirty thoughts.

I’m just saying this out loud because it’s yet another thing that no one ever seems to want to talk about. But it’s true! For some reason it was cool to talk about it when Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte were doing it, but I wasn’t doing it then. I’m…

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Let’s Begin at the Beginning…

Hi!

I’m Guava, and this is my blog. Welcome! I’ve started so many blogs in the past, and am truly hoping that this one keeps the “entertaining” aspects of those while exceeding them in the “longevity and endurance” departments.

Here are some facts about your semi-fabulous blogger:

  • I’m 39 years old, and recently left my husband of over ten years.
  • I’m a mammal.
  • I’m a Canadian expat living in Asia. Perhaps I will elaborate more at some point in the future. Perhaps not. Time will tell.
  • I am a teacher.
  • I have no children, and although I haven’t ruled it out, it’s not looking very likely. (See point 1)
  • I am an adrenaline junkie.
  • I am hardworking, but also lazy. Future posts will likely explain this in more detail.
  • I have three cats and p/t custody of three dogs.
  • I have never been spanked, but really want to try it; the whole thing just resonates with me for some reason. (No, it’s not because of 50 Shades; I was interested before that!) I am interested in the DD and HoH dynamics, but won’t commit to them without having sampled them first.
  • I am trying to decide what to do with this new, exciting, terrifying part of my life and am at a bit of a standstill. Hopefully this blog will help me suss it out.
  • I am not a particularly organised person. Working on it.
  • I have suffered from depression and anxiety, and still do, albeit not as often as I used to.
  • I am new at this, and appreciate any feedback about my work, positive or negative, as long as it’s constructive.
  • That’s all for now. Thanks for reading!